Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Famous Aaronovitches In History

Inspired by this (via)

"I am still one of those optimists who believe that it will soon be shown that President Johnson was telling the truth about the Gulf of Tonkin attack. However, whatever the truth of those allegations, they had nothing to do with my reasons for supporting escalation of US forces. I support the goal of protecting the South Vietnamese from a brutal dictatorship. Why doesn't anyone ask the Vietnamese what they think? Apart from a few Vietcong holdouts, the population massively supports the Thieu government, as shown by the recent elections"

-- Robert Macnamaaronovitch, Dubuque Guardian-Times, 1965

"What leader would I suggest for the Communist Party? Well, once I had unshot myself, spat out the poisoned cakes, unstabbed myself, climbed out of the freezing river and not seduced the Tsarina because of my uncanny ability to calm her haemophiliac son, I would be looking closely at Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. He is the young and dynamic candidate, and although he is forced to pay lip-service to the outmoded concepts of collective farming and a police state, I heard a speech by one of his cleverer advisers which suggests that he is a Menchevik at heart. He also plans to build a pipeline across Siberia – old-fashioned types might call this impossible to achieve without forced labour, but where is their alternative plan? It's Lenin for me"

-- Josef Vissarionovich Aaronovitch, Russian Royalist Gazette, 1916.

"A Modest Proposal To Relieve Our Latterly Famine: In all the Eating-Houses and Dinner-Parties of Dublin, the talk is of Famine and Rapine in Ireland beyond the Pale, and social success is to the Man who BLAMES THE ENGLISH. Clearly this Talk is but the Folly of Those RACIAL DISCRIMINATORS who onlie see in the Success of Foreign Investors the IMPOVERISHMENT of the Masses. Surelie in this new Age of Globalisation, the Onllie Solution to our current Crisis is to fondlie embrace THE NEW ECONOMIE and to heed Mr Pritikin's most Excellent Advice, to shun the POTATOE. For what is the alternative Proposal?"

-- Dean Jonathan Aaronovitch, pamphlet, 1822

"Laisse-ils mangent la bruschetta"

-- attributed to the Queen of France, Marie Aaronovitch, 1793.

"I am one of those optimists who believes that the Children's Crusade is a good thing. Although I have no real interest in the stated purpose of the Crusade, to capture the Holy Land for Christianity, I also despise the petty orthodoxies which hold that the Empire of Saladin is 'not ready for feudalism'. This almost racist view on the modern Left should be shunned by all decent Christians. Some people say that a rabble of under-thirteens led by a lunatic may not be a match for a horde of Saracen cataphracts with steel armour and cavalry. However, it seems far more likely that the heathen will throw down their weapons, worship the Lord and greet the Children's Crusaders as their liberators. With flowers and sweets".

-- Richard Coeur d'Aaronovitch, 1212

"Make no mistake: Ethelred is ready"

-- The Venerable Aaronavitche, 875


-- Fragment attributed to Veni Vidi Aaronovici, 23BC

"Once there was a man who was bitten by a hornet. Angry at the pain, he took out his male member and proceeded to beat the hornet's nest most violently with it. To his surprise, he was stung again and again in this most painful place. A crowd gathered and began to laugh at the man, saying 'you fool'.

Moral: They were all wrong and at least he was doing something"

-- translated from The Fables of Aeronovitch

PS: oh yeh, a note for the Friday Forecast gang; Aaro is a bit handier with a Filofax than Nick, so the fact he's mentioned the Kurds in this col means that "Turkey must be allowed to join the EU" is probably a non-runner for the next few weeks.


Blogger Sonic said...

Brilliant stuff,

10/25/2005 10:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very, very funny

10/31/2005 11:20:00 PM  

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